letters to the chairman
correspondence from our readers to our chairman and owner, robert charnock.
SIR - I write having recently commissioned a suit in your English Classic cloth. I had intended it for a funeral. Such was its elegance that three mourners asked for my tailor’s number before the first hymn. The deceased, I am told,would have approved. I did not know him well.
Yours faithfully,
Brigadier H.R. Ffolkes-Manton (Retd.), Wiltshire
SIR - Your Tropical Air suiting has, I must report, survived four days in Palermo in August, a delayed connection at Heathrow, and a wedding breakfast that ran to seven courses. My wife did not survive the wedding breakfast. The suit, however, remains impeccable. I trust this constitutes a satisfactory testimonial.
With regards,
DR C.P. Wyndham, Somewhere near the Orkneys
ROBERT - I am writing in connection with your Midnight Barathea, twelve metres of which my late uncle bequeathed to me along with a quantity of port and a disputed watercolour. The port has been drunk. The watercolour is with a solicitor. The cloth I took to my tailor, who unrolled it in silence, rerolled it, and told me to come back Thursday. I went back Thursday. He told me to come back the Thursday after. I have now been back four Thursdays. He says it requires thought. I have begun to suspect he is simply keeping it. I write to ask whether you have any more.
Yours,
WP Pryce, Herefordshire
CHAIRMAN - I purchased twelve metres of your woollen overcoating in the autumn of last year, intending a modest car coat. My tailor, a man not given to enthusiasm, went quiet for some time upon handling the cloth. He has since made the overcoat, a waistcoat, a pair of trousers, and what I can only describe as an ottoman. I have raised no objection. The ottoman is excellent.
Yours gratefully,
T.O. Bathgate, Edinburgh
SIR! I am writing to lodge a complaint. I wore a suit cut from your Royal Classic bunch to a planning committee meeting last Thursday, at which I was arguing against a proposed development on the village green. I won the vote. I have since been asked to stand for the parish council, chair the annual fete, and apparently lead a delegation to the county. I had no such ambitions before the suit. I hold you responsible.
Reluctantly yours,
A.J. Featherstone, Gloucestershire
DEAR CHAIRMAN - I have worn your jacketing with some satisfaction for three seasons, but find myself unable to locate, in any of your literature, information on the specific sheep involved. I do not consider this an unreasonable enquiry. The cloth is excellent. The animal deserves acknowledgment.
Yours inquisitively,
C.W. Alderton-Vane, Perthshire
GOOD SIR - My son, who works in technology and owns nothing made of natural fibre, recently borrowed my hacking jacket cut from your Gunclub check. He returned it three days later without comment. He has since telephoned his tailor. I consider this your doing, and wish to express my gratitude. It has been a long campaign.
With appreciation,
Sir D. Morley-Hatch, Derbyshire
SIR - I wore a suit from your Peerless collection to my divorce hearing. I was awarded the house, the dog, and, inexplicably, the Dualit toaster, which had always been hers. My barrister, who is not a sentimental man, remarked afterwards that the cloth had not hurt. I am now engaged to be remarried. I have ordered another suit. I thought you should know.
Yours in good faith,
Name withheld, London W1
CHAIRMAN CHARNOCK - My party intends to cross the Taklamakan Desert by camel in March, largely for reasons that made more sense in November. We require a principal sponsor. I have written to several firms. Most have declined. One sent a voucher. I believe a suiting house of your standing should have a flag in Central Asia, and I am prepared to carry it, at cost, across approximately 600 miles of difficult ground. The flag would need to be pressed. I trust this is not a problem.
Awaiting your response,
Major. T.F. Lascelles-Hogg, SAS , Hereford
